Question: Are you seeking security or an adventure?
Answer: Wrapped in my Sounders snuggie, a Batarian pirate incinerates from a 75 meter distance. My Mantis sniper rifle is loaded with inferno ammunition and I am hunting the four-eyed creeps with deadly accuracy tonight. From the back of the couch, Kris calls out if I want tea. Of course I want tea. “Make it Green,” I say. A Spectre always drinks green tea while hunting. Standard Alliance protocol says it can help stabilize the reflexes. And back to the fighting. A biotic pull throws the final piss-poor excuse for a soldier over a cliff and the dust can begin to settle. The controller is passed to the Interspecies Relations expert and Commander of the SSV Normandy 2, Kris “Shanlee” Shepard. The world rises and sets on her biotic-enabled behind and I wouldn’t want to be one of the pirates that she is interrogating. Then I get a peck on the cheek for battling so well. As Combat Specialist Mick “Shanlee” Shepard, I do my best to fight with a little bit of flare. It’s no fun to always use the power wheel and pause the action.
I don’t mind a good real-life adventure. In a past life, I would forsake my mortality and jump out of perfectly good planes, take leaps off of stationary objects set high above sea level, or drive at the speed of sound. Now that I have found someone worth living for, battling the Geth and saving the Mass Effect universe in the comfort of my own home with Kristen is just as exciting and rewarding.
————————————————————————————-
Headline music brought to you by The Flaming Lips Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
Sweet