What is your biggest obstacle right now?
Regardless of what the tabloids say, I am okay. Fat, happy, and married. I am working on that first bit but it’s all fun and games right now. In light of this question, I’ve looked back over the past few years and pondered “How did I get here?” Not here literally or geographically. It’s not hard to stay in Washington, what with my addiction to rain and abundance of love from family and friends. The circles that I run with are fantastic in that they push you to be yourself. I convinced myself so many times to be something I wasn’t and it’s such a weight off my shoulders to be weird and generous and blunt and reserved. Through these people, I sort of rebooted myself. I didn’t change. I became more comfortable. Whether it be around an octo-core computer, an uncorked 3.0 boxer engine wailing at WOT, perusing the typographical or architectural or interior design forums, it’s been a pretty cool feeling being me.
Here’s a scenario: A few years ago, say three, I would have been jealous of my sister. She’s graduating cum laude from USC in a few months with her Masters degree. She’s earned it. She really has and I am incredibly proud to call her my sister. Hell, she could have just graduated without all the honors and it still would have been a great accomplishment. And I say accomplishment as she landed on the Moon. That’s what she did. She has done something that I only dream about doing but when reality sets in, it’s just a no go. I do not test well and anxiety is just the bear of all burdens. I tend to overthink situations and produce solutions not quite in the scope of reality. And three years ago, I would have been depressed and crying my eyes out because I thought I was stupid in comparison.
Now? I found that I don’t need a cop out to be mediocre. I am perfectly happy with who I am and what I’ve become. I am not going to change the world (something I felt I was just DESTINED to do) but I am also not lay idly by as the world ruins itself through its own ignorance.
Tomorrow I take one half of my A+ (the -801 portion) test. I hate tests. God, I hate them. I have a sort of plan, loosely based in reality, woven together with a dream made in a DC dormitory many years ago. I may not have the group that supported my ideas back then but I have an army of friends that believe in who I am now.
And that’s all I need.
P.S. Hey God…help a brotha out and give me the strength to get me through these tests successfully? Thanks.